Elastic Heart

Green-Eyed Monster

I’ve been a hopeless romantic since I could remember. Falling in love fast and hard. Nearly obsessed with my new golden beau.

Letting jealousy and insecurities destroy every relationship I ever tried to have. Wondering if I’m good enough? Will they leave me? …. Pretty pathetic I know.

Love for me was the end all. It was the cure to happiness. But then I found myself in love and unhappy (although I was in total denial).

Because I didn’t see it as me being unhappy at the time.

I saw it as me failing again.

Messing up again.

Sucking at life again.

This last break… I saw it coming. It was so fragile like egg shells. The thread that was keeping us together was so thin, it just needed a gentle tug to unravel its hold. And it was I who tripped and slipped on the eggshells and tangled myself in this stupid thread. I got into this huge ugly mess and when I looked up for help, you were gone.

You wrote me a short and direct email informing me that it (our relationship) wasn’t working for you anymore. And that you know I’ll find someone who will make me happier.

I guess that’s fair? Okay, bye?

Hey!

I said I love you and that I’m sorry!

I said it in 6 emails, 4 voicemails, 11 text messages and 23 prayers and……. All I got was, “it’s not working for me anymore” in a stupid fucking email….?

Ya, okay.

It took a month for me to believe that you really ended 3 years in an email…. Wow, how much must I really suck at life to be told it’s over in a 2 sentence email?

Fuck, I really do suck.

It took 49 days for me to stop counting to the last day I saw you. The last day you told me you loved me (for the 1 millionth time) to my face.

It wasn’t until 2 days later before I realized an entire day passed without me crying. And then another day of not crying and another day and now it’s been almost 2 months since you sent that last email?

This always happens. With every break, I feel like scum. And then Father Time just heals it all!!! And I forget things, like what your voice sounds like.

I seriously believed that I would never have feelings for anyone new. I dated a few guys and felt nothing but appreciated the distraction.

Then it happened. I met someone new. Someone who I thought was actually better than you.

I realized how unhappy I was with you when this new guy kissed me and made me laugh.

So I get it, it wasn’t working for you.

Apparently it wasn’t working for me either, I was just too loyal to let you go.

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