I’ve been a hopeless romantic since I could remember. Falling in love fast and hard. Nearly obsessed with my new golden beau.
Letting jealousy and insecurities destroy every relationship I ever tried to have. Wondering if I’m good enough? Will they leave me? …. Pretty pathetic I know.
Love for me was the end all. It was the cure to happiness. But then I found myself in love and unhappy (although I was in total denial).
Because I didn’t see it as me being unhappy at the time.
I saw it as me failing again.
Messing up again.
Sucking at life again.
This last break… I saw it coming. It was so fragile like egg shells. The thread that was keeping us together was so thin, it just needed a gentle tug to unravel its hold. And it was I who tripped and slipped on the eggshells and tangled myself in this stupid thread. I got into this huge ugly mess and when I looked up for help, you were gone.
You wrote me a short and direct email informing me that it (our relationship) wasn’t working for you anymore. And that you know I’ll find someone who will make me happier.
I guess that’s fair? Okay, bye?
I said I love you and that I’m sorry!
I said it in 6 emails, 4 voicemails, 11 text messages and 23 prayers and……. All I got was, “it’s not working for me anymore” in a stupid fucking email….?
It took a month for me to believe that you really ended 3 years in an email…. Wow, how much must I really suck at life to be told it’s over in a 2 sentence email?
Fuck, I really do suck.
It took 49 days for me to stop counting to the last day I saw you. The last day you told me you loved me (for the 1 millionth time) to my face.
It wasn’t until 2 days later before I realized an entire day passed without me crying. And then another day of not crying and another day and now it’s been almost 2 months since you sent that last email?
This always happens. With every break, I feel like scum. And then Father Time just heals it all!!! And I forget things, like what your voice sounds like.
I seriously believed that I would never have feelings for anyone new. I dated a few guys and felt nothing but appreciated the distraction.
Then it happened. I met someone new. Someone who I thought was actually better than you.
I realized how unhappy I was with you when this new guy kissed me and made me laugh.
So I get it, it wasn’t working for you.
Apparently it wasn’t working for me either, I was just too loyal to let you go.